Golan
Golan the Insatiable is the titular main character and protagonist of the series Golan the Insatiable. Formerly the emperor of Gkruool, Golan is now a resident of the "real" world and seeks to rebuild his empire with the help of his loyal acolyte, Dylan Beekler. He is voiced by Rob Riggle. Biography Before the events of the series, Golan was the reigning GodLord and psychotic tyrant of the dimension of Gkruool. A wicked and terrible ruler, Golan's reign was defined by his lust for destruction, regular celebratory executions, uncompromising violence towards his enemies, and most of all his love of massive orgies. However, it seems even demon-like monsters have their limits, as all of these things made Golan a widely reviled overlord. When Dylan Beekler's magic spell brought Golan to the real world, his former subjects were delighted to see him go. After Golan returned to Gkruool, he was horrified to find that his former acolyte had taken over in his absence. When Golan's presence in Gkruool was discovered, his own people chased him away. Escaping back to earth, Golan decided to make Dylan his new acolyte, and to use his time on earth to rebuild his empire and eventually retake both Earth and Gkruool. Personality Fierce, violent, narcissistic and downright sociopathic, Golan is just about everything you'd expect a tyrannical monster overlord from another dimension to be. Golan is often seen grievously injuring and sometimes downright murdering people without so much as a second thought. He has a very high opinion of himself, believing he deserves to be the undisputed GodKing of the entire world and everything in it. Even still, Golan has shown his nicer side at times and has even made friends with many of the citizens of Oak Grove. When Golan's nicer side is out, he acts surprisingly human and would probably act the same way a real-life person would in his place. As a human though, Golan isn't a very intelligent human. Golan is a lazy, slacker who doesn't have a care in the world and has a total lack of responsibility, even for things that are very important to himself. He mainly just wants to sit around and play, and whenever it comes to doing work, he'll groan and ask "Do we have to do that now?" followed be a hunched over trudge along the floor, letting out an exaperated "Uuuuugh, fine!" So, he basically acts the same way a student would when having to go to school or do homework. When he plays around, he'd play the same way a child or bored teenager would. Just by doing random things and saying random and goofy phrases. He'll jokingly get extremely angry and yell about something that's only slightly bad, like any other playful person would, but given the dark side of his personality, he doesn't always project this through an actual joke and will sometimes actually kill people and destroy things, even when he's not really angry at all. Add to that with his careless and irresponsible behavior, Golan simply just does not care and probably doesn't even notice how horrible of a thing this is. However, Golan is a demonic monster who wants to kill everyone, so this is absolutely not a problem for him at all. Abilities and Traits *'Animation Spell' - In the Pilot episode, Golan used an animation spell on Dylan's inanimate Backpack, which brought it to life as an anthropomorphic being that could communicate, move on it's own, and pass on it's wisdom and knowledge of the world and it's events to Golan and Dylan. Later in the episode Mackenzie B, unknowingly used the animation spell by reading it from the Gkruoolian Tome of Infinite Evil, bringing all of her stuffed animals to life, causing them all to turn into vicious monsters and attack her and her friends. Apparently this is a spell that is located on Page 36 of the Gkruoolian Tome of Infinite Evil and can be used by anyone who reads it. *'Cursed Spells' - In multiple episodes, Golan is seen enchanting an evil spell which can do various evil things. His eyes will glow red and he will enchant some Gkruoolian words as he does this. Most of these spells he can only remember if he reads them from The Gkruoolian Tome of Infinite Evil, such as in the Pilot, where he had to open a portal to Gkruool, but had to retrieve his stolen tome first. However, he can remember some by heart, such as in Shell-Raiser, he used his magic turn guinea pigs into grenades and blow up an animal hospital with them, without needing his book. Sometimes other people get ahold of the tome and use his spells on him, such as in Golan the Impregnable, when Dylan used his spell book to get Golan pregnant with a demon child. *'Rejuvenation Cycle' - In the episode On Golan Pond, it was revealed that Golan has what's known as a rejuvenation cycle, wherein every 500 years, Golan will go through a moulting process, and he will shed all of his skin and flesh and go back to his purest form, which is a tiny chibi version of himself. After about a day, Golan will return to his normal state once again. *'Resurrection' - In the episode Shell-Raiser, Golan was seen enchanting a Gkruoolian spell which brought their already deceased turtle Shell-Raiser back to life again. However, doing so caused a huge explosion that destroyed their Treehouse, and nearly killed himself and Dylan in the process. He is also able to preform this upon himself, as he was seen coming back to life in the episode On Golan Pond after he died, which is a part of his rejuvination cycle, as mentioned above. *'Self-Cloning' - In the pilot episode I Can Smell That Cheap Clone from Here, Golan layed an egg which eventually hatched into an exact clone of himself with yellow eyes. The clone's name was Doppelgolän and he was exactly like him only he pretended to be good, when he was really just as evil as he was. Sexuality Golan's sexual orientation is extremely ambiguous in the series as the ways he's performed and expressed them have always been very unclear and confusing. In general, Golan's abhorrent personality is also characterized by his rampant, uncontrollable libido. Golan will have sex with just about anything that moves, including animals. By Earth's standards, Golan's would be considered Pansexuality with zoophilic, and necrophilic tendencies. However, it's a lot more complicated than that, as there are limits to Golan's "insatiable" lust and there are places he will not go along with things he will not do so he's probably not a pansexual, just someone with an extremely wide variety of sexual preferences. Given the fact that he comes from another dimension, sex might be slightly different in some areas here on Earth, than they are in his home dimension. Sex seems to be pretty much the same thing in his home dimension, but as of terms of gender and orientation, there may be a few things that are slightly different, so all of these terms for describing paraphilia in Gkruool may be different than the terms used on earth. Using the terms that we have on Earth, we can use proper labels to describe the things that he does here, but it's not easy because some of the things he says is kind of confusing and tends to be a bunch of gibberish related to all sorts of random kinds of sex. Heterosexuality - Golan is obviously at least straight as he has expressed both romantic and sexual attraction for lots of females in the show, primarily Carole, Alexis, Mrs. Budnick, and countless Gkruoolian Virgins. He is also much more friendly to women than men, often playfully flirting with them or being gentlemanly rather than ripping them to pieces and feasting on their entrails like he would with any other human being. Of all the genders and beings that Golan has expressed sexual attraction for, women from both the human and Gkruoolian race have been the ones he expresses the most love for. Homosexuality - As mentioned before, Golan has crazy sexual urges from pretty much every female he sees, between the age groups of teenagers to senior citizens (see Heterosexuality above) and according to a line in Golan the Impregnable, saying "Too bad I'm not gay. Everyone says 'it gets better for them'." Golan isn't gay. However, Golan could still be bisexual, and there is a lot to suggest this. (see Bisexuality below) Bisexuality - Given that Golan has plenty of preferences for women, instances of him expressing interest in men would have to mean that he's at least bi. Of all the men that Golan has shown interest in Keith has to be the main one. Golan has always thought that Keith was an extremely cool guy and he has admired him for his popularity in the way that a young fangirl would. In the episode Ragin' Fun, Golan said that sexualizing the remains of mutilated bodies is his favorite part of torturing people, he said this as he was about to have sex with Keith's mutilated body. In the episode Shell-Raiser, Golan ripped the arm off of a male stoner and started playing around with him, using his disembodied arm to slap him, doing the "Why are you hitting yourself" gag. This then somehow led to Golan kissing him on the cheek and saying "Why are you kissing yourself?" Pedophilia - Golan is shown not to be a pedophile and has expressed absolutely no sexual feelings towards Dylan or her classmates. In the episode Shell-Raiser, Golan made it slightly obvious that he is hesitant to have sex with Dylan, by making a sort of confusing statement about the two of them having a three-way with a turtle. Golan mentioned having a three way with the dead body of Shell Raiser and said "You take the front end, I'll take the back and and let's try not to meet in the middle. If we do though, don't make it weird." Apparently, Golan doesn't understand how the female sex organs work, at least on Earth. However, this could have also been another reference to the running gag where people mistake Dylan for a boy. Ephebophilia - Although Golan does not have any sexual feelings for children and pre-teens, he does have a lot of sexual and even romantic feelings for teenagers, specifically Alexis and Keith. Golan basically thinks Alexis is hot and is always having sexual emotions for her. In the episode Shell-Raiser, it was mentioed that Golan slept with Alexis. He also has some romantic feelings for Keith, thinking that he's really cool and constantly swooning over him like a stereotypical schoolgirl. In the episode Ragin' Fun, Golan was willing to sexualize Keith's remains. Zoophilia - Golan has expressed love for animals in the show many times, mostly deer. In the episode Deer Uncle Gerald, Golan fell in love with a deer and had sex with it. In the Pilot episode, Golan saw a deer and described it as "The sexy thing giving me the bedroom eye." In the episode Shell-Raiser, Golan suggested that he and Dylan both have sex with the dead body of a turtle. Relationships *'Dylan Beekler' - Dylan is Golan's loyal Acolyte and best friend. Upon their first encounter, Golan developed a liking for Dylan almost instantly, but didn't believe she was truly worthy to be his acolyte until she proved herself by endangering her own life. Initially, Golan had difficulty grasping that Dylan was a girl, but this seems to have been since corrected. Golan often sends Dylan on dangerous missions and quests, but becomes very distraught and panicked if he believes she's been hurt. He genuinely cares about Dylan and goes out of his way to protect her or make her feel better when she's upset, but can also be seen being very rough with her, from throwing her through walls to pushing her out of the way constantly, however rather than being an act of aggression this may just be Golan not fully used to handling someone Dylan's size. In On Golan Pond, the thought of living his entire life again without Dylan causes him to burst into gross sobbing. Despite Golan's fondness for Dylan, he's not above teasing her and will even argue or bicker with her like a bratty sibling if given the chance. *'Carole Beekler' - When Golan first arrives on Earth, Carole is terrified of him. However, the moment Golan starts flirting with her she instantly takes a liking to him. Carole is absolutely delighted that Dylan has a male role model in her life and encourages their friendship. Golan vows to Dylan that he will eventually have sex with her mother, and dialogue in Shell-Raiser confirms he kept this promise. Since then, Carole and Golan seem to share a casual friendship and both have shown mutual respect for each other. *'Alexis Beekler' - Golan doesn't care much for Alexis, mostly ignoring her and actively antagonizing her whenever her and Dylan start to fight. Golan hardly ever interacts with Alexis in any major way, but in Golan the Impregnable he happily started dating her only to be popular, and in Shell-Raiser it was confirmed that he's had sex with her at least once. In the first season, Golan was much more pervy towards Alexis, but Fox executives told the crew to tone this behavior down. *'Keith' - Golan greatly admires Keith (or at least his popularity) and goes out of his way to try and befriend him and earn his respect. When Golan first arrives, he believes Keith to be the "Nunchuck delivery guy." After Golan finds out Keith is the most popular kid in school, he acts like a jackass trying to become Keith's new best friend. Golan even wants Keith to be his second Acolyte, but Dylan blackmails him into choosing Swingley instead. Despite his admiration, Golan is not above backstabbing Keith, even dating Alexis moments after she broke up with Keith. Golan is also shown to be very admiring of Keith's father, Keith Senior. *'Richard Beekler' - In the first season, Golan has little respect for Dylan's father, and spends most of his time mocking him or outright threatening him. In the second season, Richard does not physically appear and is implied to be dead. This has little effect on Golan, who barely acknowledged Richard in the first place. In spite of all of this, Golan was genuinely hurt in Deer Uncle Gerald when Richard told him he wasn't family and tried to do something nice for him to win his approval. Trivia * Golan first appeared in a series of short stories on the website Something Awful. While none of the other characters in the series appear in them, it is regularly mentioned that Golan lives in a town called "Oak Grove." * In the first season, Golan was voiced by series creator and head writer Josh Miller. In the second season, he is voiced by actor and comedian Rog Riggle, a former Daily Show cast member who has had guest roles on Arrested Development, Modern Family, and 30 Rock. * Golan's name is a reference to the ancient Middle-Eastern city of the same name. A shared territory of the Roman and Herodian empires, the territory is mentioned within the bible several times. According to scripture, Golan was a territory of Manasseh after being taken by the Israelites from the Amorities. **This nod to Semitic culture and heritage is part of a long-line of Jewish references in Dave Jeser and Matt Silverstein's works, such as ''Drawn Together ''and ''DJ & The Fro, ''which have contained many in-jokes revolving around Hebrew history and faith. * According to a gag in Winter Is Staying, Golan suffers from depression and is currently seeking or attending therapy to recover from it. Hence the 'insatiable' in his title. * Because of Golan's uncontrollable libido and utter lack of morality, he has several STDs, including herpes. *In the Pilot episode, Golan whispers to Dylan "I am so going to have sex with your mom." Later, in the episode Shell-Raiser, Carole mentions that she has slept with Golan and implies that it was a very painful experience. **In response to this, Alexis also states that she slept with Golan. * A running gag in the series, affiliated with Golan is that every time he walks through a door, he will be too tall to fit through and his head will break a hole in the shape on his head and horns in the top of the threshold. Dylan draws reference to this, stating Golan is "taller than most architects planned for." ** In later episodes, these holes can be seen throughout the Beekler home. Gallery Golan and Gruunk.png Golan comes to earth.png Golan impregiator of the unimpreganable.png Winter will last forever.png Golan is depressed.png Golan got his teeth whitened.png Golan is a cult master.png Golan is cas.png Golan has a exclus shark.png Golan is godlord of the bubbles.png Golan barfing.png Golan being literate.png Category:Characters Category:Major Characters Category:Males Category:Demons